Two Me’s for Little Monk: Learning That It’s Okay to Be More Than One Thing

Children are often taught to think in simple categories.

Right or wrong.
Happy or sad.
Big or little.
This or that.
Mine or yours.

But life isn’t always that simple.

Sometimes a child can be happy and sad at the same time. They can love two people who don’t get along. They can feel comfortable in one place and still miss another. They can be excited about change while also being afraid of it.

They can love their family and still wish something about their family were different.

They can feel different from the people around them and wonder whether being different means something is wrong with them.

And sometimes, they can discover that there isn’t anything wrong at all.

Two Me’s for Little Monk, a children’s book by Ben Carrettin, explores one of the most important lessons a child can learn:

Differences can coexist.

We don’t always have to choose one thing or the other.

Sometimes, two seemingly different things can both be true.

And sometimes, those differences are what make life beautiful.

When a Child Feels Conflicted

Children can experience an internal conflict for countless reasons.

A child whose parents are divorced may feel caught between two homes. They may love Mom and Dad and feel uncomfortable when the two worlds don’t get along.

But conflict doesn’t only happen because of divorce.

A child might have:

• A sense of being different from classmates
• Conflicting feelings about school, friendships, or growing up
• A desire to be independent while still wanting to be cared for
• A personality that doesn’t fit the expectations of the people around them
• Different interests, talents, or ways of seeing the world
• Feelings that seem contradictory or difficult to explain
• Friends who have very different interests or personalities
• Two homes with different rules, routines, and expectations
• Parents from different cultures or backgrounds
• Family members with different religious or spiritual beliefs
• Two languages or cultural identities
• A blended family with new parents, siblings, or extended family
• A parent whose expectations differ from those of another caregiver

Sometimes children interpret these differences as a problem.

They may think:

“Which one am I supposed to be?”

“Who am I supposed to agree with?”

“Why don’t I feel the same way everyone else does?”

“Is something wrong with me?”

These are important questions.

And children deserve an answer that doesn’t force them to choose.

You Don’t Have to Choose

Imagine a child who spends part of the week at Mom’s house and part at Dad’s.

Mom’s house may have one set of traditions.

Dad’s house may have another.

One may be quiet. The other may be loud.

One may eat dinner at the table. The other may eat in front of the television.

One may have one set of rules. The other may have another.

It can be confusing.

But perhaps the answer isn’t deciding which home is “right.”

Perhaps both homes can simply be different.

And perhaps a child can learn:

“I can love both.”

The same idea applies far beyond divorce.

A child can love two cultures.

They can appreciate two traditions.

They can enjoy different kinds of music.

They can have different opinions from their friends.

They can be both shy and adventurous.

They can be both independent and still need help.

They can be strong and vulnerable.

They can be different things at different times without becoming a different person.

The Beauty of “Both”

Much of childhood is about learning who we are.

Children begin discovering their preferences, personalities, beliefs, abilities, relationships, and identities.

At the same time, they are learning that other people may see the world differently.

That can be challenging.

Children naturally look for belonging. They want to know where they fit.

When they encounter differences, they may assume they need to choose.

But there is another possibility:

What if belonging doesn’t require sameness?

What if we can belong while being different?

What if two ideas can exist beside each other?

What if two homes can both feel like home?

What if loving one person doesn’t diminish our love for another?

What if being different isn’t something to overcome, but something to understand?

These are the questions at the heart of Two Me’s for Little Monk.

Divorce Is One Example

For children of divorce, the idea can be particularly powerful.

A child may love both parents even when the parents no longer love each other.

That can be difficult for a child to understand.

They may worry that enjoying time with one parent will hurt the other.

They may feel uncomfortable talking about one home while they are in the other.

They may wonder whether they are supposed to take sides.

But children should not have to divide their hearts because adults have experienced conflict.

A child can say:

“I love Mom.”

and

“I love Dad.”

Those statements don’t cancel each other out.

They can both be true.

And the same principle can apply throughout life.

We Are All Made of Contradictions

Adults sometimes forget that human beings are complicated.

We aren’t just one thing.

A person can be confident in one situation and uncertain in another.

They can be serious and playful.

Independent and connected.

Strong and sensitive.

Traditional and curious.

Quiet and expressive.

We contain differences.

Children do, too.

Part of growing up is learning how to hold these different parts of ourselves without believing that one of them has to disappear.

This is an important part of developing a healthy sense of self.

Instead of asking:

“Which version of me is the real me?”

A child can eventually learn:

“They’re both me.”

Difference Doesn’t Have to Mean Division

The world around children is full of differences.

Different families.

Different cultures.

Different languages.

Different religions and traditions.

Different abilities.

Different personalities.

Different ideas.

Different ways of seeing the world.

Sometimes those differences create conflict.

But difference itself isn’t the problem.

In fact, difference can be one of the things that makes our families, communities, and world interesting.

A child doesn’t need everyone around them to be the same in order to feel safe.

They need to learn that difference and belonging can exist together.

We can be different and still care about one another.

We can disagree and still listen.

We can come from different places and still share something meaningful.

We can experience the world differently and still respect one another.

A Children’s Book About More Than Divorce

Although Two Me’s for Little Monk can be especially meaningful for children experiencing divorce, separation, or life between two homes, its message reaches much further.

It is a story about coexistence.

It is about the realization that differences don’t always need to be resolved.

Sometimes they simply need to be understood.

The book can provide parents, grandparents, teachers, counselors, and other caring adults with a way to begin conversations about:

• Divorce and two-home families
• Family differences
• Cultural differences
• Blended families
• Different traditions and beliefs
• Friendship and belonging
• Individuality
• Self-acceptance
• Conflicting emotions
• Emotional resilience
• Identity and self-understanding
• Learning to appreciate differences in ourselves and others

The goal isn’t to tell a child that conflicting feelings are always easy.

They aren’t.

The goal is to help children understand that having complicated feelings doesn’t make them complicated in a bad way.

It makes them human.

Helping Children Discover Their Own “Two Me’s”

Adults can help children explore this idea through simple questions:

“Can you think of two things you like that are very different?”

“Can you love two people who are very different from each other?”

“Can you feel happy and sad at the same time?”

“What are some things about you that are different from your friends?”

“What do you like about those differences?”

“Do you think everyone has different parts of themselves?”

These conversations don’t need to become lessons.

Sometimes a child’s greatest discovery comes when an adult simply listens.

Maybe We Don’t Need to Choose

There is a powerful lesson hidden inside the idea of having “two me’s.”

It isn’t necessarily that there are literally two different selves.

It may be that there are many different parts of who we are.

And those parts don’t have to fight for the right to exist.

A child can be many things.

So can an adult.

And perhaps one of the most important things we can teach children is that wholeness doesn’t mean eliminating our differences.

Wholeness can mean learning how to hold them together.

Two Me’s for Little Monk

Two Me’s for Little Monk by Ben Carrettin is a children’s book about learning to see differences in a new way.

For a child of divorce, that may mean learning that two homes can both be home.

For another child, it may mean understanding that two cultures can both be part of who they are.

For another, it may mean discovering that different feelings can exist at the same time.

And for another, it may simply mean realizing:

“I don’t have to be exactly like everyone else to be okay.”

The world doesn’t need children to become identical.

It needs them to become comfortable enough with themselves to appreciate the differences they encounter in others.

Because sometimes the things that appear to divide us can actually teach us something about ourselves.

And sometimes the differences within us aren’t contradictions at all.

They’re simply different pieces of the same person.

Two Me’s. One Child. A Whole Heart.

Two Me’s for Little Monk invites children—and the adults who love them—to consider a beautiful possibility:

Maybe we don’t always have to choose.

Maybe two things can be different and still both be good.

Maybe two homes can both be home.

Maybe two cultures can both belong.

Maybe we can feel two emotions at once.

Maybe we can see the world differently from someone else and still care about them.

And maybe the different parts of ourselves don’t need to compete.

Maybe they can simply coexist.

That is not a problem to solve.

It is a beautiful part of what makes us human.

Frequently Asked Questions About Two Me’s for Little Monk

What is Two Me’s for Little Monk about?

Two Me’s for Little Monk by Ben Carrettin is a children’s book about learning that differences can coexist. The story explores the idea that children can experience different feelings, relationships, environments, traditions, and perspectives without having to choose one over another. Its central message is that differences within ourselves and in the world around us can be beautiful, and that seemingly conflicting things can exist together and still be okay.

Is Two Me’s for Little Monk appropriate for children of divorce?

Yes. Children experiencing divorce or separation may identify strongly with the idea of having two homes, two family environments, or feelings that seem to pull them in different directions. The book can provide parents and other caring adults with a gentle way to talk about those experiences and reassure children that they can love both parents and feel connected to both homes.

What can children learn from having two homes?

Children who live between two homes may learn that different households can have different rules, routines, traditions, and personalities. Two Me’s for Little Monk encourages the idea that these differences do not necessarily have to be resolved by choosing one home over another. A child can appreciate what is special about each home and understand that both experiences can be part of their life.

Can children love two parents who don’t get along?

Yes. A child can love both parents even when the parents have serious disagreements with one another. Children should not be required to take sides or feel responsible for resolving adult conflicts. Two Me’s for Little Monk explores the larger idea that two people can be different from one another while both remaining important parts of a child’s world.

What does the “Two Me’s” idea mean?

The “Two Me’s” idea represents the different parts of ourselves that can emerge in different situations. A child may behave differently at school than at home, enjoy different traditions, have different interests, or experience seemingly opposite emotions. Having these differences does not mean something is wrong. The book encourages children to recognize that different parts of who they are can coexist.

Can a child feel two different emotions at the same time?

Absolutely. Children—and adults—can experience seemingly opposite emotions simultaneously. A child might be excited about a new school while being nervous about leaving an old one. They might be happy about visiting one parent while missing the other. They might feel proud and scared at the same time. Two Me’s for Little Monk supports the idea that complicated or conflicting feelings are a normal part of being human.

How can children learn to appreciate differences?

Children can learn to appreciate differences by being encouraged to notice and talk about the many ways people are different. Families, cultures, languages, traditions, personalities, interests, beliefs, and experiences can all vary. Rather than teaching children that differences must be eliminated, adults can help them understand that difference can be interesting, valuable, and beautiful.

Is Two Me’s for Little Monk about self-acceptance?

Yes. One of the book’s central themes is learning to accept the different parts of ourselves. Children sometimes believe they need to become a particular kind of person in order to fit in. The book encourages a different perspective: being different does not mean being wrong, and having different sides to your personality or experience does not make you less whole.

Who might benefit from reading Two Me’s for Little Monk?

The book may be especially meaningful for children struggling with conflicting thoughts, self identity, cultural differences, family transitions such as divorce or blended families, or other situations in which they feel caught between different people, places, expectations, or emotions. Parents, grandparents, teachers, counselors, and other trusted adults can also use the story as a starting point for conversations about difference, identity, belonging, and emotional acceptance.

Who is Ben Carrettin?

Ben Carrettin is a counselor, author, and mental-health professional whose work focuses on human behavior, emotional well-being, relationships, grief, trauma survivors, serious illness, addiction recovery, and resilience of spirit in the face of extreme hardship. Through his writing, he seeks to make complicated emotional experiences easier for people to understand and discuss.

Where can I learn more about Two Me’s for Little Monk?

More information about Two Me’s for Little Monk by Ben Carrettin, as well as other books and projects, can be found at BlueHandTurtle.com.